Wagon Full of Pancakes

Coworker 1: I don’t understand the evolution of the Swine Flu.  We gave it to them and now they give it to us?
Coworker 2: Well, aren’t pigs really similar to us?
Coworker 1: Yes, when you look at the way I eat.

Male Coworker: I once killed a Unix thread just to watch it die.  That’s a nerd pick-up line.
Me: It didn’t work.
Male Coworker: Well, I wasn’t trying to pick you up.

Coworker: I have another accupuncture appointment today.
Me: What’s with all the accupuncture lately?
Coworker: I’m going to have a little chat with her today. I went to a doctor and he instantly told me that I had carpal tunnel.
Me: And what did she tell you, that your chi was out of whack?
Coworker: Yeah.
Me: And you believed her?
Coworker: Well, she was wearing gloves.

Coworker, holding up a metal object: What is this?
Me: A cheese knife.
Coworker: Seriously, do we really need this? Can’t we just repurpose another knife? How many different kinds of knives do we really need?

Coworker: Some day there’s going to be a metal shortage and you’re going to be thinking, “Damn, if only we hadn’t made so many cheese knives…”

Coworker: My friend does a really good Texas accent…. like ‘Hi y’all.  I’ve got a lot of hay.’

Me: <Male coworker 1>, did you give  <Male coworker 2> his hug yet today?
Male Coworker 1: Yes, I did. <points to coworker 2> And there’s another one coming tomorrow!
Male Coworker 3: I was going to write about that in a department-wide email, but I didn’t want to pick on <male coworker 2> too much.
Male Coworker 2: A little ribbing never does anyone harm.
Male Coworker 1: What did you say?  A little male groping??
Male Coworker 2: Ribbing!  A little ribbing!  Not groping!

Male Coworker 1: How was Transformers?
Male Coworker 2: Oh my gosh!  The best movie ever!  It was awesome.  Better than anything that’s come out in years.
Me: You mean, best action movie, right?
Male Coworker 2: No!  I mean anything!  Comedy, drama, action, anything!
Me: Uh huh..
Male Coworker 2: It was so good, it’s Pulitzer material.
Me: Pulitzer?  Wrong industry…
Male Coworker 2: No!  That’s how good it is!  They’re going to make a special Pulitzer prize!

Me: What’s for lunch?
Coworker 1: I dunno… I’m up for anything as long as it isn’t stupid.
Coworker 2: I want a stupid lunch.

We were at happy hour and started discussing the drink my coworker had ordered.

Coworker #1: You can drink like 10 of those and not even feel it.
Coworker #2: I know!
Coworker #1: …You big sasquatch.